Funny sms new year, new year jokes, chutkule for naya saal, best sms for new year, awsm jokes for new year,

Best funny SMS Happy New Year Status for Facebook and Whatsapp

What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? 
I haven't seen you for a year! 
What happened to the Irish man 
who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year
He gave up thinking. 
What's the problem with jogging on New Years Eve? 
The ice falls out of your drinks! 
What do you call always wanting a date for New Year's Eve? 
Social Security New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out. 
What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops? 
Justin Bieber gets jealous Knock Knock! Whos there? 
Mary and Abby! 
Mary and Abby who? 
Mary christmas and a Abby new year.

We will open the book,
Its pages are blank.
We are going to put words on them ourselves.
The book is called Opportunity and
Its first chapter is New Years Day.

What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.

What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops? Justin Bieber gets jealous

Women get a little more excited about New Years Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.

Oh My Dear, Forget Ur Fear,
Let All Ur Dreams Be Clear,
Never Put Tear, Please Hear,
I Want to Tell One Thing in ur Ear
Wishing u a Very “Happy New Year

Renewal Of Friendship Contract 2017
After Serious And Cautious Consideration,
Your Contract Has Been Renewed For The Year 2017.
So, try to be more LOVING and CARING next year.
Take care of Me and Miss me.
Because, It’s Impossible To Find A Friend
Who is
95% Ideal
96% Smart
97% Kind
98% True
99% TALENTED
and
100% Lovable
So,
Don’t lose Whom U Never Want To Lose.
Wish you a Very Happy New Year*

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

To kick start my New Year:
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I resolve... I resolve 2...
I resolve 2, uh...
I resolve 2, uh, get my, er...
I resolve 2, uh, get my, er,
off-line work theone, to!

A friend asks his friend 4 a cigrtte. His friend says
I think u made a Nw Yr resolution 2 quit smoking.
Da man says. I am in da process of quitting.Right now
I am in da middle of phase 1. What's phase 1?
I've quit buying

Nw Yr's Day: Now is da accepted time 2 make ur regular annual
good resolutions. Next week u can begin paving hell with dam as usual.

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.

John, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Dave, and asks for a smoke.
“I thought you made a New Year's resolution and that you don’t smoke,” Dave says.
“I'm in the process of quitting,” replies John with a grin. “I am in the middle of phase one.”
“Phase one?” asks David.
“Yeah,” laughs John, “I've quit buying.”

“Families are complicated enough, but things became even more confusing after my father decided to get married to my brother's mother-in-law. "Now I can't make up my mind whether he's my dad or my father-in- law," says my brother, "or if my mother-in-law is now my stepmother, or whether my child is my daughter or my niece.”

Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means, ‘Without Information Fighting Every time’
WIFE says: No, it means ‘With Idiot for Ever’
Happy New Year 2017

Boy to a Girl :
“You Are Like A COIN”
Girl: hmmm, wow realy..??
.
.
.
.
Boy: No,no actualy i Want To Say ,
Theepay day mounh waliye.
Happy New Year.

We should stand
Salute 
to 2016
Which gove us
Memories of happiness and joyfull days
We shold learn from 2016
We should let throw bad think
And accept new dreams 
So our new year will bring more happiness

Good Bye 2016.... 

and 

Welcome to New Year Morning with a little smile
Driving in Punjab  1. The one who drives faster than you gets: "Vekh kiwen agg laggi aa kanjat nu..."  2. The one who drives slower than yougets: "Gaddi chalauni aaundi nai... Par laini zaroor aa.."  3. And finally the one who drives equal to you: "Achha, Peo naal raceaan.!!!"

Driving in Punjab


1. The one who drives faster than you gets: "Vekh kiwen agg laggi aa kanjat nu..."

2. The one who drives slower than yougets: "Gaddi chalauni aaundi nai... Par laini zaroor aa.."

3. And finally the one who drives equal to you: "Achha, Peo naal raceaan.!!!"
Best ways to Kill yourself





Have you ever searched the internet to know the best painless way to kill yourself?

Well I have, and you are damn near impossible to find the answer.

There is big question to person how to kill your self without pain. Below are some easiest way to commit suicide. you can also find painless ways to commit suicide.


Best Ways to kill yourself


1. Slit your wrists.

2. Drink cleaning supplies.

3. Gun Shot - Put your dad's rifle in your mouth and shoot.

4. Cut yourself along several major arteries and slowly bleed to death.

5. Fill the bathtub up with hot water and get in. Go underwater & breathe until I say stop.

6. Give yourself a home-made tattoo with toxic silver pen.

7. Fill the bathtub up. Grab a toaster & plug it in. Get in the bathtub and bring the toaster with you. Push down the button & enjoy!

8. Boil several gallons of water on the stove and "accidentally" spill it all on yourself.

9. Bash your head in with a hammer.

10. Get an axe from the woodpile & split yourself in half.



11. Use your telekinetic powers to make the house fall apart.

12. Tease the elevator by not letting it close until it buzzes loudly. Stand in the door's way and let it close.

13. Break a mirror. Take two sharp pieces of the glass and shove them in your eyes, hard and deep.

14. Shove a Chef's knife up your butt.

15. Kill someone else and plead for death by lethal injection.

16. Break a bottle of wine on a table and shove it in your stomach.

17. Have your best friend run you over with a steamroller.

18. Turn on the iron until water dances on surface. Put it on several places on your body, keeping it in each place for at least 45 seconds.

19. Jump off a building, aiming carefully to impale yourself on a lamppost.

20. Drive a wooden stake in your heart.

21. Induce vomiting until you black out and slip into a coma. This coma should last for several months, in which time your family will certainly decide to pull the plug.

22. Put your pinky, as well as any other digits that will fit, into an electrical socket.

23. Purposely catch your clothing in the escalator at a local mall and fight off anyone who tries to help. Enjoy the ride!

24. Unbend a coat hanger and slowly & carefully shove it up your nose.

NOTE


This post only for fun, remember that suicide is not solution for any problem. If your friend & you are thinking about suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). It is toll free number they will help to you. Meditate your self it is a best way to fell free.
A cash cow for the enterprising, the Internet is littered with opportunities to make a fast buck. While it rarely qualifies as a solitary source of income, the Net can easily help you supplement it. However, the amount you earn depends on the time and effort invested. Go through these Best options and find out which ones work for you.

Best Ideas to Make Money Online From Home
Make Money Fast


Blogging :: Make Money By Blogging

If you're a passionate closet writer who wants to be published but can't find a way to do so, make each keystroke your way to wealth by penning your own blog. Starting a blog doesn't require extensive technical skills but it's important that you have expertise in the field you are writing on. This will attract visitors to your site. Building a large following will enable you to earn profit by luring advertisers, writing paid reviews or getting commissions for promoting other people's products.

Paid Writing :: Earn Money for Your Writing

If maintaining a blog is difficult for you but you still want to indulge your passion for writing, you can jot down articles for other blogs or sites such as Weblogs, Helium or Pay PerPost. Writing an e-book can also be a good option. E-books are investment free, with no cost for printing and shipping. If you have a strong command over languages, you can become a copy editor, where Webmasters will pay you to read articles and correct grammatical errors, sentence fragments, etc.

e-tuitions/Webinars:: Earn Money by tacking Online Classes

The demand for tutors is high and growing. So, if you like helping others learn, e-teaching could be the earning ticket for you. All you need to become an online tutor is expertise in your subject and a few spare hours per week. TutorVista, e-tutor, Smartthinking and Tutor.com are some of the sites you can enroll with. If you gain a good reputation as a coach, you could even conduct Webinars-lectures or seminars transmitted over the Net. College and university students are willing to pay to gain entry to a well-respected Webinar.

Affilliate/Reseller :: Make Money By selling Product 

For those who have the knack of selling, one of the best ways to make money online is to become an affiliate/reseller. An affiliate is a person who gets a commission for selling every product that he promotes, whether on his Website or through any other avenue such as eBay. You don't have to own the product. You only need to sign up for an affiliate program with a company and start selling its products under your referral link. Firms such as Commission Junction or Click Bank have a large pool of products.

Buying/Selling domains :: Make Money By Selling Domains

Buying and selling domain names is another way to make money from home and requires very little investment or time. You can buy domains at their registration prices or even cheaper and trade them at a profit. However, always research on sites such as sedo.co.uk, afternic.com, ebay.com or other domain auction sites to get an estimate of the hottest selling names. The best way to find good ones is to use terminated domain lists, which contain several expired names that are back in the pool.

Freelancing for Professionals :: Make Money by Your Skill

Freelancing is a great option for professionals who are experts in their respective trades and know how to ensure customer satisfaction. Various freelancing and project-oriented sites allow companies that need help to describe their projects. Freelancers and small businesses offer bids, ideas or proposals, from which the buyers can choose what they find most suitable. Websites such as Elance cover everything from programming and writing to data entry and design, while Rent A Coder focuses on software programming.

Advertising :: Make Money By Your Blog & Website 

You can sell space on your Website or blog for advertisements and you earn when these ads are clicked by visitors to your site. The sorting and placing of ads is free. The profitability of pay-per-click advertising depends on the traffic level of the Website and, most importantly, on the clickthrough rate and cost per click. Google AdSense is the most popular option, while others are BidVertiser, Text Link Ads and Blogads. Direct banner and RSS feed are some other forms of online advertising.

GPT Programme :: Make Money By Survey

GPT or Get-paid-to sites are becoming increasingly popular among teens. You get paid for signing up for free Websites, newsletters, playing games and filling out online surveys. These are suitable for people who don't have a skill set but want to earn extra money. Taking online surveys is simple- register with a few legitimate, paid survey sites and answer questions. The topics range from shopping to politics. This might not help you make a living, but you can earn good pocket money. Contests2win is one of the trusted GPT Websites.

Online Marketing :: Make Money By SEO Skill

Once a Website is created and optimised for search engine (SEO), the SEM or Search Engine Marketing begins. A treasure trove lies hidden here. An SEO/SEM expert, who is responsible for marketing a Website, can promote it in various ways. These include article marketing, writing press releases, forum posting, blog posting, submitting your site to directories and search engines, social bookmarking, etc. Most companies don't do this in-house and pay you to conduct the SEM for them.

Making Themes :: Earn Money By Making Website Designing
As more and more people seek an online presence, the demand for Website templates and WordPress (Blog) themes will keep increasing. If you are good at Web designing and coding, you can earn a lot from designing Web themes. In this segment, there are mainstream Websites, such as TemplateMonster and ThemeForest, which act as a marketplace where you can sell your themes. Templates are sold and priced depending on the rights and features that are bundled with them.

Selling photos :: Earn Money By Photography

If you enjoy photography and are good with a camera, you could be sitting on a huge reserve of revenue. There are people who will be interested in your collection of images. Nowadays, it's easy to take your photos to the public, providing a convenient way to build a secondary income stream. Many stock photo agencies, such as Fotolia, Dreamstime and Shutterstock, offer incentives for people to earn from their photos.

Support & service :: Earn Money By Giving Online Support

Providing coding or fixing other Webmasters' issues is another great way to earn extra bucks. There are simple jobs ranging from adding a script to setting up sites, but knowledge of Web coding is essential. One can offer support for Web CMS (content management systems) like Drupal or Joomla. After you are comfortable with your own installation, you can help other people to set these up and configure them.

Stock/forex trading :: Earn Money By Investing Stock Market

Joining the stock/forex market may seem a bit risky. However, you can start small and continue researching till you gain experience in this area. Once you do, it will be easy to earn from exchanging foreign currencies and/or stocks. Their rates fluctuate depending on supply and demand, and economic and political influences in the world. The aim of any trader is to spot which currency/stock is likely to rise or fall in value against another. The more time you put in, the more you will earn.

Selling your own brand :: Earn Money By providing Website Making Product 

If you have a flair for designing cool images, don't bother about creating your own inventory. As long as your design can be printed on a product, you can pocket some money. You can upload designs on various Websites such as CafePress, and if somebody orders these designs, the company will print them and distribute the products. It could be designs for T-shirts, hats, bags, books, posters, calendars, greeting cards, etc. You will receive a commission for each sale. Other such sites include Lulu and Zazzle.

Virtual Assistant :: Make Money By Providing Virtual Staff

Small businesses always need help in running their processes, but may not be willing to hire a full-time employee. As a virtual assistant, you are expected to perform practically any administrative task that a traditional secretary or assistant would, such as make travel reservations, handle expense reimbursements or pay bills. You can do it from the comfort of your home, interacting with clients either online or by phone. Your expertise will decide how much moolah you rake in.

Inbound call centre :: Earn Money By Making Inbound Call Centre

Many companies, who are facing space constraints, especially those in metro cities, prefer to hire workers outside their offices or outsource certain processes. You can set up an inbound call centre at home to handle such jobs. Research different companies that are outsourcing their work as they may have opportunities for inbound call centre agents. You can work for more than one company. This can be either a part-time or full-time engagement, depending on your need.

You Tube :: Earn Money By Uploading Videos

If there's a dramatic performer hidden inside you who craves applause and adulation, upload yourself on YouTube. You can be a filmmaker, musician or comedian who wants a wider audience. Your earnings will come from ads displayed on your video page. This process is similar to the pay-per-click advertising program common to other Websites and blogs. Sites such as Flixya and Mediaflix can be helpful in this regard.

Researching for others :: Earn Money By Researching 

Don't be morose if you can't write, design or code. Lack of talent cannot stop you from making money online. If you're willing to work hard for a few hours a week, you can take up simple research jobs for other people who don't have the time to do it themselves. You could search for opportunities in organisations that provide funding for research and offer to assist them through online investigation.

Building Applications :: Earn Money By Building Applications for others

With smartphones gaining popularity, the demand for their applications, or apps as they are popularly known, has also shot up. There are over 3 million apps for the iPhone and over a million apps in Google's Android market. Most of these are selling like hot cakes. Developing and selling your own smartphone app is becoming a lucrative way to make money on the Internet. Apps cost virtually nothing to develop and entail no storage or shipping costs. So they enjoy the best profit margins.

Transcription :: Make Money By Becoming a Medical Transcriptionist

Medical transcription involves making written copies of oral material dictated by doctors or other medical experts. These may include history and physical reports, clinical notes, consultation notes, reports, letters, psychiatric evaluation and so on. The dictated material needs to be transcribed swiftly and accurately, which is the most challenging aspect of the job. To become a medical transcriptionist, you need to have a good knowledge of medical terminology and a high typing speed along with accuracy.
Top Jokes, funny chutkule, kavi tension me, funny moment

न वफा का जिक्र होगा
न वफा की बात होगी
अब मोहब्बत जिससे भी होगी..
रुपये ठिकाने लगाने के बाद होगी...

(कवि टेंशन में है)
😂😂😂

Top jokes, funny picture of alia bhatt, Narender Modi and Alia bhatt chutkule, sms fun, photo
मोदी जी उस समय बेहोश
होते होते बचे
जब आलिया भट्ट ने उनसे पूछा ।
2000 के नोट की चिप में
गाने भरवा सकते हैं क्या ? ??????
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